I knew it.

Fish Garnish

classic fish garnish... ahh the humanity.

Peace.

"How does a person stop caring about the opinions of others enough to enjoy them without manipulating them? How does a person stop caring about money to pay rent, or about where his food will come from or whether or not he has a good retirement package... life may be much easier than the rest of us belive it is, that most of the things we worry about are not worth worrying about, that a low bank account or unfashionable clothes won't give you cancer... I tend to think life is about security. I worry about things to much, I worry about whether or not my ideas are right, I worry about whether or not people like me, I worry about whether or not I am going to get married... There doesnt seem to be any science in saying any of this stuff matters at all. But it feels like it matters, whatever it is; it feels like we are supposed to be panicking about things."

-Donald Miller

in Through Painted Deserts

I love Donald Miller.

My mother and I once attempted to stalk him at Imago Dai his church in Portland. We didnt have any luck, but loved the church :)

This exact excerpt's thoughts have been on my mind.

Will we ever stop needing to feel accepted?

I wonder if it is just human nature to have the need to feel accepted. Then I read in Genesis today how we are made in God's image and we are like him. God doesn't have a neeed to be accepted by anyone. He wants to be accepted in our hearts, but if none of his people accept him.. He is still God.

If no one accepts me would I still be Amber.

Would I change who I am to be accepted by others.

Why do I always want to feeel loved?

When I know I can always count on God to love me... but why is that not enough. Why does human approval seem so significant to supply my happiness.

My word for the year of 2011 is PEACE.

With this year has come FREEEDOM.

Freedom I have never expierenced.

To not care what people think..

Each day I have become more and more free... its beautiful I never wish to be under burdens again.
I desire to remain "flufffy" with nothing weighing on me.
God has my burdens and he forgives and forgets.. letting me move on with life and be worry free.

It is very hard to be worry free.

I worrry alot.

I always think of life as "I cant lose the moment I have now"... making me unsatisfied.
I want peace in my life.
To know that I am where I am each moment with purpose and reason and I want to have peace in that moment. I long to get joy out of each circumstance.. good or bad.

God has blessed me with so much and I so often am still unsatisfied.

I still think to myself why dont people like me?

Why do my friends not want to hang out with me?

When all of that is really just lies.. in my head of insecurity.

I think everyone thinks that every once in a while... and if you dont. Well done.

:)

I long to just no longer worry.
I know in our world it is almost looked down on not to worry...

Its true.. I am a senior and I am supposed to be worrying about scholarships and college and classes.

I think there is something to be said about diligence and trying your best

I believe we can do that with all this unnecessary worry.

The weight is heavy.

एंड लव इ ऍम फ्रिच्किन एइघ्तीन

Ah my computer just randomly translate all my words to a foreign language..
how does that happen?
ANYWAY
like I was saying..I want to live life with peace.
Worry free.
To cast all my cares on God.
To actually cast my cares on God and know He will take care of it.
If you have read the book I Quoted from at the beginning of this blog then you know who Paul is.
To be honest I fell in love with him hahah.
Like I wish to be like him.
He lives the peace I long for. In the book him and Donald are traveling across the country in a hippie van.. I have been planning to do that!!!
and Paul just doesnt worry.
He is definitly to old for me ahah so I have no such hope there, but I do long to be like him.
I wish to come to the point of peace that I could be sitting at home for days and it would be okay. Right now that is like not even a possible thought in my head. I have this need to always be doing something and talking with someone.
Which I dont belive is entirely bad but it leaves me unsettles when I am not doing something. I want to be able to do nothing.. and so God can guide me to do what He wants me to do. and I will go willingly :)
I wish to not be so connected to my phone.
I rely to much on it to make me feeel happy.
I feeel like typical teenager that I am always texting and checking my phone. I dont like it.
I want to be happy with where I am each moment. Happy with who I am with at the moment and even if I am just chillin alone to be satisfied with life and trust God in all circumstances.
This 2011 year is going to be goood.
Last year was the best year of my life and I have faith this year could only be better :)
Thank you everyone who was in my life last year.
I thank God for you and  I love you.
I hope that you find peace and freedom in your life this year. :)
I know thats what I am desiring and asking God for.
Have a great first day of the year.

Peace. :)