Eggs.
Hmmmm God is funny.
I have been lost for awhile.
In wandering, it's been an awkward place for me to be but I think it's been healthyfor me to feel and understand ...life.
Where I am.
Who I really want to be.
Where I want to go.
What I want out of life.
I want so much and I don't want to waste anytime.
This summer has been so much different than last summer
My best friends are different this time around.
I find myself missing those old relationships so much that I completely am oblivious to the amazing best friends I have right now sitting right next to me.
Two of those best friends leave in less than a week.
Not ideal.
I wish I was leaving first. It's not fair.
I've been in so much thought lately.
I love all my friends so much.
Then I realized all my friends don't love me as much as I love them.
Then I got into his ridiculous woe is me mood.
Why doesn't anyone like me and crap like that.
But I'm also aware that's not true. Maybe my close friend base has lessened by he quality of he friends are better than ever and why would I wish for anything else.
If I am supposed to be with who I am with then it will work out.
It always works out.
Coming to richland I wasn't close with many people but God supplied mire than I could believe
Why do I doubt he will do it again or that he could possibly do it better?
Sometimes I don't trust him.
Okay alot I don't trust him.
I'm keeping all my eggs for myself.
It was Cayle that made me realize that he said a simple but profound statement.
"a realationship and being in love are not necessarily the same thing"
BAM
It hit me.
All my life I have preached it's all about a relationship not religion with God.
But even while "being in a relationship" with God I felt like I HAD to I wasn't in love and just wanting to.
When your in love you LOVE talking to that person and you always want to be with them and share ...everything with them.
(I know cuz I got to fall in love this year :)
But I am currently not completely in love with God the one who is all, ya know.
He holds like a bunch of my eggs.
But not all of them.
That's not enough.
Maybe If I gAve him my friend eggs I would stop being so concerned with I am wig and who I want to be with and I would go back to peace.
Peace.
I just want peace.
Who doesn't.
In my mind if you have peace you have ....everything.
But where does peace come from!?
Dur :) the peacemaker.
The only one that can fill me up to overflowing hat I can be so full of love all I need to do is spread it to everyone instead of just take it because I am not full myself.
I long to be full.
Full of God.
Full of peace.
Holding on to nothing of the world.
Letting go of it all :)
Letting go.
How?
Just do it :)
Yah I have to keep reminding myself to let it go. I am where I am right now and it's a beautiful moment.
Look at these crazy wonderful people God let me be friends with.
Yah in 40 days my world will be flipped my security of friends here will be twenty hours away and spread all over the world and I'll have one thing that wont change.
God.
He won't leave me when I move or begin these new adventure.
I need to give him all my eggs now so hat they Are warm and ready for each new adventure he will take me on.
Now and later.
Im done controlling this life of mine.
God it is yours
Have my eggs and do what you will with them:)
I can't wAit to see where we go.
