Ready?

I have heard it said that every good thing must end.

Example A.

A week in Coos Bay with Cayle Turpen and his family...

I swear time stopped.

Time didnt matter anymore.

We ran

We quaded

We went to thrift stores and antique stores

We laid around ate food

Seven days ...

no worries about time.

I decided I hate time.

Today I realized Spring Break is over and well.. that sucks.

One Quarter left of my high school career.

and all I want is to sit around

make better friendships with my friends

and not worry about papers being do or AP tests.

I want to bond with some people and not have to do a buttload of scholarships.

But then when I do hang out with people I dont use it as I should.

instead I worry about... the little time we have left.

If I am invited.

If switching schools my senior year screwed me over in the friendship department.

I am freakin lucky that God is faithful.

Id be lost without him.

He always comes through when I feel like life can start to be crashing a bit..

or alot.

These next Seven weeks..

are going to fly but when I think about this moment its moving so slow.

and I keep getting small feelings of

I CANT WAIT TO BE IN COLLEGE.

Then I think about friends

and Cayle..

and the fun times here.

I am not reeady to leave.

But Im also stoked...

this senior stuff is some tricky emotions ;)

How can you be dreadfully sick of high school but not want to let it go for a single moment all at the same time?

Gosh Darn it.

Tonight I went to

Younglife.

I love Younglife.

A bunch of my favorite people all gathered together.

But sometimes I leave feeling so empty.

Why?

Because I go with this expectation to feel better due to teh people that are there.

when I go in with those thoughts I come out short.

I often come out of it feeling like... wow... I guess people dont care about me.

BUT

honestly its all about perspective.

If I go in thinking I am gonna be excited about seeing my friends no matter what comes my way.

and go in ready to show them how much I care about them

then I cant be dissapointed.

My perspective is off sometimes.

We all have moments of being selfish and wanting to be the one that is loved or the one that everyone is talking about in good ways.

Or the one that gets all the hugs.

sometimes we want that and dont get it.

sometimes we neeed to give it.

To those who never get it.

I sometimes get all sorry for myself feeling then realize I AM DEFINITELY not the only persons who feels that way.

Welcome to a solid percentage of our highschool population.

Why do we fricken go to other things... drinking, drugs, sex?

because it connects us to someone or something

or a feeling of being at peace.

peace like that doesnt last long

does it?

I keeep feeling like what should I grab on to???

hmmmmm

Amber.

wake up!

and step on something solid.

God.

Alright

I am not gonna lie.

I struggle.

I struggle with putting life in front of God.

EVERYONE who longs to be closer with God uses the excuse im too busy

truth is

Im busy.

WHERE IS GOD?

uhm everywhere.

so its pointless to blame my lack of talking to him on business..

Cause He was there when I was running or spacing off in class...

I had ample opportunity to talk to him then

but instead I chose to let my mind wander to things that seemed more important

worries of the world.

WHICH

HEY

wont matter to much in the end...

or in like  a day.

Im sorry God.

Be first in my head.

No matter whats going on in life

I know you are stable and

will always be there

guiding me.

Your plan wins.

win.

You wont let these next two months be a waste.

I want them to be the best two months I could possibly have!

Let me spill out some TRUE PEACEFUL FATHERLY love on some people who neeed it.

I know I need more.

Im sure others do tooo.

I find myself not being thankful for the moments of pure joy and instead reveling in the moments of gosh .... dang it.

I want my life to be.

LOVE. JOY. PEACE.